I spent time a couple weeks ago with my friend joe (see above) ... we went to NYC for 5 days - I was in one my favorite places in the whole world, with one of the best friends I have ever had - with my capable wife at home, loving our kids perfectly - and yet I couldn't relax - I asked joe ... "level with me - what do I need to change in my personality & life?"
... he knows I meant it ... with very little need for contemplation he said "you need to let down more" ... "you need to turn off sometimes"
BIG PROBLEM ...
... my mind never shuts down - I am always thinking through something - always figuring out an issue or a situation ...
what the heck?
I have maybe 3-4 people that I call close friends ... they all tell me I am wound too tight ...
I don't even know what that looks like or what that means ... honestly
... all of these 3-4 friends are the kind of people who do not hold back their opinion if I ask - I have always wanted 100% honest people grinding me to make me a better man/husband/dad ... they do ... they are all different - the scotsman is the most raw & cut to the point / the Italian is polite, but all business / one is a plain old straight shooting american redneck, his motto - "if it smells like it, it probably is" ... anyway - they keep me authentic
so ... I feel tired all the time & yet I am in basically perfect health except for being "fluffy" in the middle as the kids say ... doctor says I am 100% perfect health ... cholesterol 150 / blood pressure 108/68 / blood sugar 90 / pulse 70 / I take vitamins everyday / omega 3 / vitamin B / 81mg aspirin ... get the point? ... but I am always tired ... I can have a 3 hr nap anytime day or night (no it's not sleep apnea) ... the origin of this issue is not physical in it's genesis ... that is the corollary ... it is mental/intellectual
... all I can muster is that I think ... way too much ... about everything ... all the freakin' time ... I could give you 100 things that I am incessantly thinking about ... seriously, I could ... actually ... really more like 400 (now that I think about it)
... the essence is that I better change this issue before I infect my kids with this trauma ...
... 2 songs that are, for me, like balm on this distress are chasing cars by snow patrol & how to save a life by the fray ... the line in the chasing cars song says ... "would you lie with me & just forget the world" ... wouldn't that be nice
... enough said ... I am working on it ...
1 comment:
Hey Buddy, NYC was really great this year. Thanks for the time. I'm glad to read that you're working on letting go of life's stress (at least temporarily), once in a while. Its a process, so don't get discouraged, but keep pressing in to it.-=Joe
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